The Circus of my Mind [entries|friends|calendar] Bex [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Bored [25 Mar 2004|01:42pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Offspring - Hit That ] I'm bored. I have things to do, but I just can't. I need to read a book I don't have. I need to research. I need to write. I need to wash up. I need to make food. But I can't be arsed. Am going to attempt food and washing up soon. Abby's home. Thursday's is my day off, but Abby's here. Which means I can't have such a relaxing bath and I can't put my music full blast and sing and dance like a twat. Ah well. I always have monday. Music just put me in a fairly good mood. Am head bopping. Am also still tal;king. Mum's right. I gotta learn when to shut up. I love mum. You guys might not see that with all the bitching I've done. But I really do love her. She's a crazy woman, I tells. *head bops more* I'm going to go an make food and remain unapreciated. See ya.... EDIT OF DOOM! Hopefully from now on my lj shall be friends only, due to sneaky evil brother who appears to have been trying to break into my Writing.com account. The big shit. If he gets into the rp we are all doomed. (admittedly I think this might be due to the sneaking suspicion I might just possibly maybe perhaps told jon I have an online diary, when I was drunk.....) And I'm getting fat on cookies.... What's Under There?

[23 Mar 2004|08:34pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | Telly ] So apparantly I write dark, depressing stuff for my workshops.... Last time it was a widower, this time it's a woman who's bf is having an affair. Next week I am going to have somthing light-hearted, dammit! But I got good reviews both times. Not one complaint. Even the teacher was thouroughly impressed. You wake up alone. Again.   You’re not surprised though. Not after the initial stab of worry. This always happens. Every few weeks you wake up and he’s not there. His side of the bed is cold and neat. It reminds you of when you were alone. That’s why you don’t mind it. You know he’ll be back, and a few mornings waking up alone are better than another endless eternity of it. But still, there’s that moment you realise you’re alone and your heart almost gives in. You quickly pray that he’s not just a dream. The pains so deep, so real, you almost lose hope. But then you notice something of his. A sock, a scrap of paper with his handwriting on it, anything, and then it’s better again. Your stomach feels warm and it spreads to your shoulders and tingles through your legs and you can’t believe how lucky you are. You can’t wait to see him again later. He’s always so kind and caring, apologising, making it up to you. Every time it’s the same.   He’s always the perfect gentleman.   You’ll wake up beside him morning, after morning until the next early meeting, the next emergency, the next time, the next lie. Thank you ellonae  for picking it out, and sorry for bugging you :D   Erm, to all mods on the rp: I fear you. What's Under There?

[22 Mar 2004|01:21am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | ......my hamster, being a nob. ] Was going to make a poll, but it looks too complicated, especially at 1am. Anyhoo, being indecisive me, I'm gonna ask people to help me decide somthing: Should I get my hair cut short again? With short hair I look like my mum, my hair also grows really fast, so it's annoying. With long hair, I get annoyed and it goes crazy. But I look better with short hair and it's out the way Yet with long hair I can do more, and not have to get it cut all the time. So far: Mum, Abby say SHORT (and phil, but I hate him)  Jon, Kate say LONG (and dad says I look like mum with it short.....) Any random opinions, even tho few of know what I look like, let alone what I look like with different length hair....... It's bugging me people, I need help...... /annoyingness. (PS, I also want it tipped red, blue or purple........or all three, maybe rainbowed.......*daydreams about rainbow hair and talking ponies*) What's Under There?

[21 Mar 2004|12:41am] am drunk. People buy me drinks, I drink. We bought easter eggs.... bought brothers off him more mum tomorrow. Sort of fancy gary and chris in a not actually wanbting to date them way. they're just cool. Got druinks Then boys put money together so I'd go buy a vibrator froim a vending machine. It is small and in my pocket.... is quite funny. Got hiccups. grr. Erm.... had hot dog. saw drunk punk singing gay bar and had a laugh with 2 women about him. good nioght will do again some time. grr phil the egotystical prick. EDIT: Sober now. 'tis sunday night. The boys stole me a really cool pint glass and me and jon moved next doors gate, which someone had put infront of our house. tee hee I beat JON AT POOL! And we threw coins in the ceiling of the pub. Great laugh. And I just realised, Gary's a pretty cool guy He remembered every detail about the last time we saw each other and he likes Queen. And he brought me alcohol and Food..... :D 1What's Under There?

Grrr Phil! Grr you! [20 Mar 2004|11:33am] Pirrips gone a step too far. And here is his story: I met pirrip in my first lecture, he was kinda geeky and really friendly. Soon he got to know Abby too, then he started to change. He becamse more confidant. And slowly he turned into this monster, and the more facial hair he shaves off the worse he gets. Now he has no facial hair. Phil was convinced my housmeates fancied him, because he fancied them. He'd buy them flowers and gifts and just sort of Harrass them, but in a nice way. He's very manipulative. Anyway, he thinks he knows every thing. He's an ignorant shit etc. He told me off for wearing rainbow colours because someone might beat me up, thinking I'm gay. What a silly little fool he is. Anyway. He puts me down all the time, he mocks me etc and he tramples on me when I'm in a good mood. He'll fight a point, even tho he's agreed it's just a matter of opinion. He's a miserable fucking sod. But I've put up with him. I've stayed neutral as my housmeates have washed their hands clean and he bitches behind everyones back. And I feel sorry for him because he's an idiot, so go out of my way to be nice, only to have him be an arse. I dont care if people treat me bad, it's when they treat my friends bad I get upset. Anyway. Yes.... He's a shit, no one likes him, but he doesn't notice this since we're all humouring him. He looks like a gremlin. We're also pretty sure the ego and confidence stems purely from the little general. AKA his dick. Ans......as Abby pointed out, he DOES have a large lump in the trouser department. Right. But yetserday Becki told me Phil had been to sheiks. And he'd been talking about me. Apprantly I am or was desperatly in love with him. I can't remeber the details......but yesterday I lauged. Today i'm PISSED OFF! I'm having a word with him in our next lecture. In front of our group, since I know Mark hates him. I cant beleive him. Either he really is delerious or he thought that picking on little old bex would be easy, beacuse I'm quite, I'm not a catch, being fancied by me would be funny, and pathetic (of me) and people dont know me so well, so probably wouldnt question it. Sadly he told Becki's bf friends, who have met and know me ok. But to be honset they dont NEED to know me. Everyone hates phil.... He talks about everyone behind their back and denies it after! Acting like some fucking victim! But.....GRR! I feel so crappy! I can't beleive him!!! I mean really.... I dont have much self esteem, but he just shat on what I have left, didn't he? And no, i shouldnt be flattered he said it coz maybe there's underlying lust. Trust me. The boy is a pigfucker. I jsut need to get the confidence and remember to tell him all this on tuesday. Fuck it. If i get money on my phone I'm texitng him. If he pisses me off I can hang up and switch my phone off. But then again, I need support from other people. 1What's Under There?

[19 Mar 2004|04:28pm] I miss Papsodie :( Someone mentioned their dad in chat and I suddenly missed mine. And then all these things kept reminding me of him. Like a message on the answer machine and in the car 'Bicycle race' came on....and that makes me think of my dad, and just all these other things I cant even remember now...... I'm going to write the Papsodie Rhapsody.... I'll see him tomorrow when I get a lift. What's Under There?

Dick-Bill Platypussy [19 Mar 2004|03:16pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | What if God was One of Us ] Hee, had an odd day. I wrote a letter for you all in my lectures. But I guess I'll save it for the Post Box. Then my friend  and I spent the rest of the day looking for naughty quotes in a book. It's 'Waterland' and has a character called Dick, so there were sentances like: Dick grew up Shivering wet Dick. Then my lecturer told us he was going to 'talk about Dick'. So basically I spent the lecture Biting my lip and swueaking, trying to hold in giggles.   ( Anyways, here's my hamster, if this works: )   He makes me giggle... 3What's Under There?

[18 Mar 2004|12:10am] Stole the idea off Sassay :P Describe me in ONE word Lets see what you all really think about me ;) Just dont be TOO honest. I have feelings :P 8What's Under There?

[17 Mar 2004|05:27pm] ( Read more... ) Just hung up on mum because she asked the wrong question at the wrong time, but I need to speak to her and she's not calling back. I have no money to call back which is why I need to speak to her. My familiy goes goes in circles. Round and round all jolly like until the problem is theirs. Then we all have to get on our fucking knees and beg for mercy.....or somthing. Looks like I aint going home unless somthing happens soon. Nor am I getting money. But loffly Fred is keeping a level head and helping me :D And is probably curious about my dad, but aren't we all? What's Under There?

[17 Mar 2004|04:50pm] Seduced By A Hogwarts Proffessor (Preferably For The Girls, no Harry Potters please) by dezthewicked Name: Which Male Professor: Proffessor Remus Lupin Where: In Your Common Room What Pick-up Line Does He Use?? Nothing, his eyes say it all. How Does He Do It? He pushes you against the wall and you run your fingers up and down his back. What Was it Like? Let's just say, you didn't just get to third base, you lapped the diamond and lept the outfield wall. Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! Can I BE any happier with that answer?! I've been writing Schmut. I feel unclean.... Dirty dirty dirty. But am tempted to try and write a Jase/Ade fic for chibs. But it'll be like sitting with a 5 year old and looking at their scribbled picture asking 'who's that one? What are they doing?' and then trying to look really impressed. I need to call dad but have no money, so it looks like I wont be seeing Aunty Babs :( Or getting any money. Fuck. I ened money. Ok, at 6 I'll call. This means I might be gone tonight and tomorrow... Argh... :( Will take laptop and start....ficcing or somthing. *sigh* What's Under There?

Heee! [15 Mar 2004|05:16pm] I met the legend that is Moony! I woke up, a nervous wreck, then I got out and I couldn't stop smiling. Then I saw her.... And I got nervous and I walked up girnning and she thought I was just a freak. not Bex the freak. And then there was giggling and 'this is weird' and then I saw an owl on a building and couldn't tell if it was real or not. And then awkward silences and then indecisions and then walking and then Moony telling the man at the shop she has 'too much shit' in her bag. And then there were sweets and then there was home and there was no gas and then there was sex in the city and then there was out again and then there was Moony's house and then there was coin flippage and then there was out again and then there was shops and then there was the argument and then there was the path of light and rabbits in dresses and then there was doffodil picking on steep slopes and then there was loss if dignity and then there was walking and then there was goodbye. It was an odd day! She's so different in real life. She's gorgeous in a growm up, pretty, smart way, which I didnt expect. I expected some very random, short tomboyishness. She had very cool hair and pretty eyes and she's very skinny. And has the biggest addiction to sweets I have ever known. But the last hour or so we really shined. And I appear to have got my hand on some stinging nettles. *licks hand* It was great fun Except where I discussed my childhood. Turns out I'm actually quite messed up. I stumbled once, couldnt get my words out twice and had a few geeky laugh moments. Other than that I think we got away lightly. I beleive Moony may be avoiding me in the future :P I have no met: Oce and Moony. Spoken to: Maud, Chibs, Angel, Fred, Cele (and seen her on webcam) xXx *rubs it in everyones faces* 4What's Under There?

20 questions! [14 Mar 2004|10:47pm] 1) Erm...... Ok. Start again 1) What is one of my favorite songs? I ahve many so it should be easyish. 2) My top 5 fanciable men? 3) Sexuality? (everchanging as it is...) 4) What naughty thing did I do? Just one of them. :p 5) My ambition as a child? 6) Film I usually say is my favorite due to ever changing mind? 7) Best mates names? 8) I have had 2 very embarrasing moments. Can you name at least one? 9) Why do I hate my voice? 10) When did I start writing? 11) When did I become Hp obsessed and why? 12) Somthing I'm proud of about myself? Ok, have a few things....sure you can get one. 13) Someone I dislike. 14) Favorite colour? 15) What am I best at cooking, pudding wise? 16) And dinner wise? 17) Earlies childhood memory? 18) Favorite band? 19) Pet peeves? 20) What do I think of myself? Yeah, crap questions..... Have a go! 6What's Under There?

[14 Mar 2004|12:33pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Nothing compares to you -Sinead O'Conner ] Everyone's doing it and I didnt want to be left out ;P If you know me as Rebecca you are My nan (or the Italian side), a teacher or some authoritive figure. Oh and Tom. I keep trying to make him stop. He's known me since I was a baby! If you know me as Bex, you could actually be anyone. You probably know me online, from uni or we're good friends. If you know me as Becky you know me as a friend from School, college or work. If you call me Becca you're family or my best mate Kate. If you know me as Beckay! you're my other best mate katie or her family. If you know me Specky/Spex/Specky-Lou you are my brother. Or katie again, since she coined the name.... -_-;; If you know me as Katie's Friend, you know me from school. If you know me as Bexay, you're Sassay, Moonay, Sillay or you know me from lj, and since you're reading my lj.... If you know me as Sexy Bexy, you're probably Cho, or just as weird... If you know me as Mum you're Will If you know me as Wife you're Sil, Oce, Angel, msybe Ned and hardly ever Chibs. If you know me by Bex Wilks you've written to me. If you know me as O.o you're Sallymandery... Whee Super!Sally! If you know me as Bexter/Bexifer/Pet that's chat's fault for chucking me out and keeping my name. If you know me as B.R.Cobble you know me from FAP If you know me as BRC you know me from ff.net. If you know me as Bexter/Little Bex/Little Becky you're Abby. If you know me as Marigold you're Becky, Abby or that weird james guy and you have a good memory. If you know me as Bitch and a number of insults, you're my brother again. If you know me as 'OMG what happened to your face?!' you've seen me on the streets :P I make I laurgh. Wonder if I missed anything out? I'm sure I have.... Edit (i keep editing coz I find more names....) If you know me as Egg you're my computer, you've been on my computer or you're Katie. 3What's Under There?

[11 Mar 2004|11:35pm] Did the work. 200 words short, but it's all I could do. Today has been weird. Have been slightly zombie. I KNOW I slept for about an hour this morning, but then I woke up and just remember lying in bed.....and then it was lunch time and I went on the comp.... then made food....then come, sleep.....comp again? I dont know! I dont know if I've fallen asleep or been in a stupor! The days just gone. Not sure I'll make in class tomorrow. Am not sleepy enough to sleep now. Abby is going to hand in my assignment if I'm not up. I think the house is haunted, or the sleep deprivation is making me suffer. Odd things happened today.... Am in not posty mood thingy.... am gone (am slightly fancying ned again....) And I have period pains AND back pains...... What's Under There?

[11 Mar 2004|07:04pm] Freddie is love. Purdy Purdy Purdy!!! Coutesy of Kdpeters What's Under There?

[11 Mar 2004|04:11pm] Everyone around me's falling in love and I'm wondering why I can't seem to do the same. That part of me is lacking. I've never been into romance and such like....and now I'm starting to think it's weird. Sure I get crushes, but the thought of actually going out with someone? No thanks. Actually pissing me off. Why do I have to be weird? Another thing, to people upset... If you wanna talk you have to tell me. I don't want to run around huggling people 'til I'm even more anoying. And I'm dumb as mud. You gotta tell me things straight out or it's right over my head.... Plus I worry. Plus I'm like a cat, curiosity kills me. So if people dont tell me staight off I go loco. I'm not saying anyone HAS to tell me anything... just if you want to, really... And if I ever do somthing someone doesn't like or agree with, just say. I might feel a bit hurt deep down, but I'll get over it. And I'd rather be the one suffering through my own fault then have someone else getting worked up because of somthing I've done. This isn't aimed at anyone. It's just a random... just in case thing, really. Yeah. I can't sleep. I can't work. I can't love. I'm doomed... What's Under There?

[09 Mar 2004|11:55pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | April Lady ] Some stupid fucker scared abby. She was at the practice rooms at uni, alone and she was in the room and went to close the blinds when she saw a man. She figured he was a janitor or somthing and carried on working. After a while She got thristy and left. When she did she saw the guy, still outside her window, masturbating. She ran to the union, where loads of people were and got security. ( Read more... ) 2What's Under There?

Oh Freddie.........*sigh* [09 Mar 2004|04:38pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Take my breath away - the one from topgun....mmm cheese.... ] Ok, this is what I managed to write last night during my PMT attack...... Dedicated to Maud and Freddie :D Freddie for his music and inspiration. And Maud for her deep, powerful conversations and Passion.... once we look past the fangirlishness and the rockingness of us.... :D It has no title, am open to suggestions.... ( Read more... ) ~~~~ I didn't get any negative feedback for this in class. One guy even thought it was somthing I'd experienced....well, I HAVE experienced parts of it at different levels, I guess.... I personally thought it was a bit 'done' but other people like it so I'm chuffed :D 2What's Under There?

Excuse me if I seem pissed off [09 Mar 2004|12:48am] [ mood | silly ] [ music | Silence. Have Queen - Nevermore in my head tho..... ] Attack of the Housemate/PMT/SHITTY MACHINES!!! ( Read more... ) EDIT! To reduced spamming, I'm putting the other entries here too. WARNING: Mass Hormonal destruction 2. 2004-03-09 01:06:00 Now i'm crying because jon's making me laugh, my works no done and printer's still broken. I hate hormones.... How do you make a hormone? ~give it to her hard ;) 3. 2004.03.09 01.11 Am ok now. That avatar is me Five moments ago....well, if you remove the book... .......talk about moodswings... 4. I swear this is the last of the PMSpam It was sweets. Sweets were jamming the printer. Abby is henceforth banned from my room, if she has food. Just because I'll laugh even more in the morning without crying: ( Read more... ) What's Under There?

Heee [08 Mar 2004|07:36pm] My brother doodled some cartoon versions of him and me last night and sent it to me. And so, you see I have a new avvy! (I'm not good with imagy things, hence crap quality) It does actually look like me. Well, when I'm home. Shitty face, Book in hand.... And my odd boobies! Am liking my brother when we're a few miles away from each other! What's Under There?

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